“And they lived happily ever after.”



Happily ever after is like beauty. It lives in the eye of the beholder.

A homeless man offered a permanent shelter believes he is living happily ever after. A popstar whose offered a million pound contract believes they’re living their happily ever after.

But am I?

No I am not.

What do I need to do to get there?

I have no idea.

My biggest fear is not thati’ll never achieve my own happily ever after, but that I won’t see it when I find it. I don’t know what I want my happily ever after to be because I don’t truly know what my dreams are. Maybe this is all part of what I am blogging about at the moment, not having lived my childhood as a child means not being able to dream as a child which in turn means picturing my childhood fantasy happily ever after is impossible.

I hope that if I find my inner child, I can find my inner dreams.

So when my happily ever after comes along, I won’t be blind to what’s right before my eyes.


Nature and Its See-Saws

I explored. I span around.

I jumped up high. I ran the ground.

Soared high above the sky, felt like I could fly.

And you know why?

Because I laughed, I shouted, I climbed. I ran to the top of the hill.

I smelt the flowers and saw the fish so that I could fulfil…

Week three.


I’m not a poet and this blog isn’t about trying to be one. It’s about letting my experiences of this week be shared differently. It’s short and simple and not like my usual long ramblings. But maybe that’s what week three has taught me- something as short and simple as getting on the swings at the playground, running to the lookout hill’s view point which makes you feel on top of the world or bouncing on the miniature garden’s trampoline, has brought out a different side of me. A different way of writing my thoughts to you this week. The learning to be a child journey has taught me how important getting outside into the fresh air and exploring is this week- smelling the flowers, hearing the birds, taking a step back and breathing. Acting like my inner child has invigorated my outer adult.

So, week four. Now what?Image

Swings, see-saws and suchlike..

As is typical when trying to achieve something, distractions always get in the way. This week’s ‘learning to be a child’ experience was a bit more active than its predecessors and so took up more of the camera roll. More details (and photographic evidence!) of swings, see-saws and suchlike to come soon…

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda: Reclaiming my childhood

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” 
Albert Einstein
should have read more fairy tales.
So I could have dreamed more.
So I would have lived my childhood when I was a child, as opposed to trying to find it now..
But never say never. I’m reclaiming it now, searching for those dreams that were so clear in my mind back then when I knew less, thought less but could see more clearly. I had an incredibly happy childhood and my family did everything to allow me to be a child for it but it was me, myself and I who wouldn’t let myself go and BE a child.
should have lived my childhood then when things were care-free and easy. Regretting is pointless though. Everything we do in life we do for a reason even if we never discover what that reason is. Maybe I didn’t live like a child then because right now I need my childhood more than ever. Maybe these thoughts of reclaiming my childhood were needed just at this moment to help me through the stages of adulthood I’m experiencing.
I will never regret my childhood. So maybe I shouldn’t think “shoulda, woulda, coulda”. Maybe those thoughts alone stop the actions being acted upon. Maybe we should all stop saying those three words and start acting on those childhood dreams. If you haven’t followed them yet, then try and think about it differently. Had you have lived your childhood fully then, would you want to try new things and be a big kid now? 
So i want to leave you with this from Tom Robbins so that you can live that childhood and fulfil those dreams now:
“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

Week Two: Sweetie time!


Week Two: Sweetie time!

There’s nothing like a trip to a seaside arcade to fulfil week two’s objective of learning to be a child. I’m quickly learning though that it may be easy to do child-like things but it’s going to be a lot harder truly learning to be a child, to think like a child. Adult: “This ten pound note could add to the food shopping budget”. Child: “Wow, ten pounds!! How many sweets can I win with this?!” So I changed the note, forgot the money value and threw all that anxious energy into winning some refreshers!
So lots of pounds turned into pennies turned into tickets. Exchanged for this little lot…

The smile of a gentleman

It’s funny, reflecting and changing can do a lot. Like today. A comment on this blog spoke of maintaining your inner child no matter what your age. And I saw a gentleman today whose done just that.

He was elderly and yet when he looked at his wife, I saw a smitten seventeen year old. And it made me wonder, do some of us never grow up? Do some of us forget our childhood before we’ve even lived it?

Life is short. We all know that. Every time we turn on the TV or open the newspaper, there are more stories of the harsh realities of the adult world.

So why do we rush the world of youth and childhood?

Why did I rush it? Everything grown up was exciting, independent and it opened up all the opportunities I’ve ever dreamed of so I wished my childhood away like so many of us do when we reach the teenage phase. Adulthood is this adventurous, golden goal where we can ditch our parents and start our own lives. And yes the opportunities are endless when we reach that magical age of 18.

But what use are opportunities if our minds are too ‘grown up’ to truly see them? Shouldn’t we all take a step back, stop reading articles of debt, stop (just for a second) worrying about bills and other ‘adult’ things we so wished to be able to worry about in our childhood? Shouldn’t we take that step back and not just praise those who grew up too fast to earn the money, speed through life at a crazy pace in the office and look instead towards the affectionately smiling elderly gentlemen like the one I saw today?

Why not praise him for doing one of the hardest things I think possible? Not working 24/7 at the office, not becoming the next rich entrepreneur. But making it all the way through life to an older age and still looking at his wife like he did when he was a teenager.

Yes, I know praise is due to those who have worked hard to make fortunes and grown up quick to do so. But let’s not forget those who have done something I can only dream of being successful at- maintaining that youth throughout my life, maintaining that childhood.

Sometimes when we are young, we feel being an adult means we will be able to think more clearly and in a ‘grown up’ fashion.

But what if the most clear way of thinking is by thinking through the mind of a child when the daily grind has not clouded our vision, the daily news of turmoil has not dampened our spirit and our dreams for the future have not been filed behind our gas bill?

That is the clearest way to think and I only dream of achieving it one day.

DP challenge: is it really just the inside that counts?


  • Age 8- the year I discovered Harry Potter.
  • Age 10- Nancy Drew.
  • Age 12- Louise Rennison.
  • Age 14- Philip Pullman.
  • Age 16- Madeleine Wickham.
  • Age 18- Laptop.

I can remember my childhood through the book phases I went through, where every birthday and Christmas list included the publications of the author I was obsessed with that year. The younger, carefree stories, the time I was ‘finding my inner teenager’ and so read accordingly, the year I discovered more ‘grown up’ books. Until the year I got my first laptop. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my laptop and the world it has opened for me- I wouldn’t be doing what I love and writing this blog without it! But, looking back, the year I got my laptop was the year I stopped asking for books.

I don’t oppose e-books by any means- the price, ease, the fact they are a sign of the technology-advanced times we are now living in. But I won’t remember the ten years following on from when I first had my laptop, in the creative, colourful and emotional way I remember the ten years I spent reading physical books. Books I could spend hours choosing on over a coffee, books I could get excited about opening the first page of, folding back the spine like I used to to make it feel ‘mine’. Seeing my tears fall onto narratives of heartbreaks, flicking the pages too quickly as I was racing my friend to the finish.

I’m not suggesting that the emotion, comedy or novelty of a new book is taken away by having a laptop and reading e-books. But I am suggesting that the story feels more alive on paper. It’s a physical entity I can hold in my hand, I can look at in the bookcase stuffed to the brim of neatly-arranged books from my childhood. I can look back at and remember where I was when I first read it- from the smell of the pages or the tomato sauce stain on the back cover made when I was too eager over the story so ate dinner whilst racing to the end.

I can read an e-book anytime, anywhere (so long as there is battery on its device) and it must be very convenient to store so many genres, romances and comedies, adventures and terrors, on a single device (and it takes away less weight from a holiday luggage allowance!) but somehow me, my book and I will always take first place in my mind.

There’s just something about turning off my phone, TV, electronic devices I work with all day and opening that book to escape from the monotony life can sometimes prove to be.

A book. A real-life, physical entity with smudges across the pages and corners bent at the edge can sometimes tell more of a story than the words within it. And that’s why I would choose it every time.