The hardest par…

The hardest part about growing up, is letting go of what you were used to; and moving on with something you’re not.- Anonymous

 

It’s hard letting go. This attempt at a journey back into my childhood stemmed from just that. I couldn’t and still can’t let go of who I was when I was child- someone who worked hard to achieve great things, someone who had dreams with no limits. Yes, I tried to be an adult too fast and never lived my childhood in as childish way as possible. But I now realise that I did live the part of childhood that involved dreaming big and achieving big fish in a little pond status.

But this world is one very big pond. 

And maybe it’s time for me to realise that and let go. Let go of who I used to be, the highly-achieving, dream-making chid. Because that’s exactly what I was- a child. With childishly-big dreams and child achievements. Life has got in the way of blogging recently, adult life. I work full-time, I live away from my parents, I have bills and responsibilities like most other adults. So why do I expect to move on with this and yet not let go of the disappointment linked to not having that childish part of me still around? 

Visiting family recently, I noticed something a little sad but interesting at the same time.

We had all changed.

Our own lives had started to shape us in ways we could never have predicted and didn’t realise ourselves until faced with each other again. And this is why I found this quote so apt. It’s hard growing up, realising that you’re not the same person you were a few years ago. What has more of a profound effect, is realising your family are not the same people they were a few years and the dynamics of family relationships aren’t going to be the same after time apart. This is not to say they’re going to be any worse, but they will be different. 

So week six of learning to be a child isn’t going to involve sticker books or sweeties. Week six is about learning a valuable lesson that I feel I’ve never truly understand until now. Being a child involves learning such lessons all the time and, this week, I’ve learnt one of them. I thought I was a grown-up when I was just a child but, in reality, my thoughts and dreams were still always child-like. So maybe I wasn’t so grown-up after all? 

Week six’s lesson is summed up beautifully by the quote- I’ve learnt to let go. Just like children don’t hold grudges, forget easily and move on, i’ve learnt this week that I need to let go of the past. Let go of what I was used to, be that in relationships, in personality or in appearance. I need to move on with who I am now and make dreams that have a place now, not follow the dreams of my 13 year-old self. 

It’s the hardest part about growing up but, if mastered, it’s the part that gives you true freedom for your future. 

Raindrops keep falling on my head

When was the last time you didn’t run from the rain? When you let the droplets, big or small, just fall?

Week five.

Well I did just that. I went out for a walk along the beach and the sky grew angry and black very quickly! Next thing I knew, big fat droplets of rain were falling and they were falling fast. But this time I didn’t run, I didn’t get my umbrella out to cover my hair. I just kept on walking.

And got soaked. 

But for one of the first times, I just let it go. I let the rain fall and fall and fall. 

It was liberating really. Kids all around me on the beach were squealing away, running around in the rain whilst parents huddled under umbrellas to keep dry. So I did what the kids did and childishly squealed about the rain to my mum. 

Well I am trying to learn to be a child aren’t I?

Week Four: A Breath of Fresh Air

Fresh air. Seems silly to spend even a second thinking about the concept of fresh air, considering it’s around us every time we step out of the house or open the window. We breathe it in without thinking.

But how often do we really breathe? How often do we take an enormous gulp of untouched, cold, fresh air and truly breathe?

This week’s learning to be a child challenge was quite simple. I learnt the importance of fresh air and breathing. I wrapped up warm, travelled to the nearest coastal path and walked. And I kept on walking. Through woodland, up hills, along the beach and back again. Breathing in this beautiful, refreshing, satisfying fresh air with each and every step.

We all rush about, looking after our family, going to work, running errands, that we never take that minute to appreciate the value of what is right outside and around us. It’s drummed into us that children need fresh air so why not us as adults too?

So next time you take a step outside, stop for a second and breathe in the fresh air. 

Daily Prompt: All Grown Up. But too early?

I can’t remember the first time I felt grown up because I chose to live my childhood in a way that was as grown up as possible. It was great at the time- I felt responsible and independent. But as I truly grew up (in the sense of physically reaching ‘adult’ ages), I felt like my growing up had already been done. So I wanted to ‘grow down’ if that could ever be a phrase!

And that’s why this blog exists. To document my journey to not be “all grown up” but, instead, to find a way of seeking the childhood part of my life that I sometimes missed the first time round.

Maybe some of you can remember growing up when you first bought a car or a house, first got a full-time job or got married. But for me I think some of these milestones that I haven’t reached yet, will pass by without this sense of ‘growing up’ because I’ve felt that way already for as long as I can remember. Maybe that’s a good thing- I won’t be too overwhelmed or be tempted to run away from such things because I feel partly prepared already.

But maybe some of the fun in taking these steps lies in the ‘change factor’. The idea that parts of your childhood are changing into adulthood and this change adds excitement, anticipation and a sense of achievement. So if I’ve skipped the childhood part already then could I be risking missing out on the excitement of this change into adulthood? Maybe. Which makes my journey to be a child again all the more important.

Are children better dreamers than ourselves?

Fulfilling this week’s lesson in learning to be a child has really made me think about the bigger picture of where this is all going. I wanted to do child-like things as a way of learning about myself. But why do I need to learn about myself?

I don’t think I really realised the truth that lay behind this until today and that is that by learning about myself, I hope I can realise what I truly want from my life and what I truly want to achieve.

Because, in all honesty, I don’t have a clue.

Adult life gets so complicated, so busy, that we very rarely step back and question what we’re doing and what we want. This is the most important step in following our dreams, truly and honestly discovering what they are.

No, I don’t know what they are yet. But maybe my inner child does…