Opportunities- scary, exciting or both?

I’ve just been asked to write a very short piece in a national magazine on my degree specialism. I can write about anything I want, obviously on the same topic as the magazine, but anything in that area nonetheless. It shouldn’t be a big deal- it’ll be a tiny article, I can’t imagine a huge number of people will read it and the person who asked me probably did so as they don’t know a huge amount of people still studying in this area.

So why then is it such a big deal to me? Am I scared or excited? I’m both.

Opportunities have their way of arising…sometimes. You’re always told to just see what’s round the corner, because there always is something. But what if there actually isn’t?

I used to be a believer that everything happens for a reason. That opinion has changed over the years and I’m leaning more towards the idea now that things just happen, for no reason at all. I’d love to believe in the first notion, i really would, but there’s so much that doesn’t make sense in the world that I don’t know how it can be true.

I’d love to think this opportunity has happened for a reason- I’m meant to write an article and before I know it, it’ll lead to more writing and recognition and maybe a dream career in science communication. Sometimes, you’ll get lucky and this will happen. Sometimes you won’t and it’ll be nothing more than one opportunity. There’s no way of knowing.

It’s so hard to not get excited about something when you’re looking for that light in the mist, something to give you direction when you’re struggling to find one. So is it right to be excited? Should you be scared that it’s nothing more than one opportunity? Or should you be both?

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A new start

I haven’t written for a while. A LONG while. The truth is, my journey of learning to be a child has taken a back seat because adult life has quite simply got in the way. Exams, work, the usual life ‘things’. So I’ve decided this will be my final post on this journey.

I won’t say it’s been unsuccessful, I’ve had fun and learnt a lot but quite simply i’ve never been one of those people you look at as a ‘big kid’ and, well, I am an adult after all. This journey has taught me just that and no I’m not going to stop writing but I am going to alter my journey from now on.

It’s time for change. It’s time to stop trying to be a kid because I think this way I’ll find whatever it is I’m looking for because realistically I have no idea. Maybe it’s time to approach things differently, take the adult approach.

So as one blog ends, another one begins. One of new experiences, of thoughts and ideas, dreams and hopes- a journey towards finding whatever it is I’m looking for. A purpose? True happiness? Something else in all this hustle and bustle of life that makes that difference? 

First stop- start planning a book I’ve always dreamed of writing. 

Week Nine: Sunny days

Sometimes things get hard. At work, college, in relationships, through health.

Life isn’t an easy ride.

The lesson I’ve learnt this week though is that one sunny day can change all that. The sun doesn’t just light up our skies- it lights up our hearts, minds and spirits. A walk in the sunshine or lying down in a park with your face upturned to the sky can make you feel everything is right again, everything will be okay.

So next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by darkness just remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel- literally. 

The hardest par…

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The hardest part about growing up, is letting go of what you were used to; and moving on with something you’re not.- Anonymous

 

It’s hard letting go. This attempt at a journey back into my childhood stemmed from just that. I couldn’t and still can’t let go of who I was when I was child- someone who worked hard to achieve great things, someone who had dreams with no limits. Yes, I tried to be an adult too fast and never lived my childhood in as childish way as possible. But I now realise that I did live the part of childhood that involved dreaming big and achieving big fish in a little pond status.

But this world is one very big pond. 

And maybe it’s time for me to realise that and let go. Let go of who I used to be, the highly-achieving, dream-making chid. Because that’s exactly what I was- a child. With childishly-big dreams and child achievements. Life has got in the way of blogging recently, adult life. I work full-time, I live away from my parents, I have bills and responsibilities like most other adults. So why do I expect to move on with this and yet not let go of the disappointment linked to not having that childish part of me still around? 

Visiting family recently, I noticed something a little sad but interesting at the same time.

We had all changed.

Our own lives had started to shape us in ways we could never have predicted and didn’t realise ourselves until faced with each other again. And this is why I found this quote so apt. It’s hard growing up, realising that you’re not the same person you were a few years ago. What has more of a profound effect, is realising your family are not the same people they were a few years and the dynamics of family relationships aren’t going to be the same after time apart. This is not to say they’re going to be any worse, but they will be different. 

So week six of learning to be a child isn’t going to involve sticker books or sweeties. Week six is about learning a valuable lesson that I feel I’ve never truly understand until now. Being a child involves learning such lessons all the time and, this week, I’ve learnt one of them. I thought I was a grown-up when I was just a child but, in reality, my thoughts and dreams were still always child-like. So maybe I wasn’t so grown-up after all? 

Week six’s lesson is summed up beautifully by the quote- I’ve learnt to let go. Just like children don’t hold grudges, forget easily and move on, i’ve learnt this week that I need to let go of the past. Let go of what I was used to, be that in relationships, in personality or in appearance. I need to move on with who I am now and make dreams that have a place now, not follow the dreams of my 13 year-old self. 

It’s the hardest part about growing up but, if mastered, it’s the part that gives you true freedom for your future. 

Week Four: A Breath of Fresh Air

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Fresh air. Seems silly to spend even a second thinking about the concept of fresh air, considering it’s around us every time we step out of the house or open the window. We breathe it in without thinking.

But how often do we really breathe? How often do we take an enormous gulp of untouched, cold, fresh air and truly breathe?

This week’s learning to be a child challenge was quite simple. I learnt the importance of fresh air and breathing. I wrapped up warm, travelled to the nearest coastal path and walked. And I kept on walking. Through woodland, up hills, along the beach and back again. Breathing in this beautiful, refreshing, satisfying fresh air with each and every step.

We all rush about, looking after our family, going to work, running errands, that we never take that minute to appreciate the value of what is right outside and around us. It’s drummed into us that children need fresh air so why not us as adults too?

So next time you take a step outside, stop for a second and breathe in the fresh air. 

Are children better dreamers than ourselves?

Fulfilling this week’s lesson in learning to be a child has really made me think about the bigger picture of where this is all going. I wanted to do child-like things as a way of learning about myself. But why do I need to learn about myself?

I don’t think I really realised the truth that lay behind this until today and that is that by learning about myself, I hope I can realise what I truly want from my life and what I truly want to achieve.

Because, in all honesty, I don’t have a clue.

Adult life gets so complicated, so busy, that we very rarely step back and question what we’re doing and what we want. This is the most important step in following our dreams, truly and honestly discovering what they are.

No, I don’t know what they are yet. But maybe my inner child does…

“And they lived happily ever after.”

 

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Happily ever after is like beauty. It lives in the eye of the beholder.

A homeless man offered a permanent shelter believes he is living happily ever after. A popstar whose offered a million pound contract believes they’re living their happily ever after.

But am I?

No I am not.

What do I need to do to get there?

I have no idea.

My biggest fear is not thati’ll never achieve my own happily ever after, but that I won’t see it when I find it. I don’t know what I want my happily ever after to be because I don’t truly know what my dreams are. Maybe this is all part of what I am blogging about at the moment, not having lived my childhood as a child means not being able to dream as a child which in turn means picturing my childhood fantasy happily ever after is impossible.

I hope that if I find my inner child, I can find my inner dreams.

So when my happily ever after comes along, I won’t be blind to what’s right before my eyes.